so i'm going to cry for a bit

[merideath]

Matt's granmother is dying.. she has a few hours left maybe... I just got a call from Grenville (family friend) saying Pam (MIL) is there and crying... I'm at home with Harrison.. I don't know hot you tell a 6 year old thier great grandma is dying... she is very frail and I can't take him there for fear that it would upset him more to see her as she is.....Matt has a wedding today and I'm crying because its what I do.. Matt has to get on with things and work... we knew she wasn't going to last long because when she came home from the hospital two weeks ago we were told she wasnt doing so well.. the diabetes had caused her legs to be gangrenous and her body stopped fighting the tumor on her pancreas that she has had for an unknow amount of time..

She is more of a grandmother to me than my own blood relatives... both my parents were black sheep so I was by default... my dad's mum is still alive but she is an bitter evil battleaxe that hates my dad and by hating him she hates me too... the rest of my grandparents are gone.. I cant remeber them really except for being told off by my mother's mum. Betty welcomed me into the family with open arms and has always treated me lovingly and kindly...it didnt hurt that Matt has always been the favourite grankid.

I'm probably rambling here because I'm crying and I don't know what to tell H... I'm not putting this on FB or twitter as I don't want everyone to know you know? ... i just hoped by sharing it here that i could get a few tears out and try to go on with the day and taking care of H.

Comments

[blottedcopybook.livejournal.com]

Awww Apryl I'm so sorry my love :( xx

[merigirl.livejournal.com]

thanks Vonnie... i feel so lost because there is nothing I can do. and my closest friends are all working today...or too far away... joys of having lovely friends on the interwebs .. I needed to sob somewhere where only a few know.. as its just you and Amanda and a few others that know I'm here...

so much for this being a silly journal for terrible fanfics i never fucking write.

i hate crying and feeling useless/helpless

[kitschycookids.livejournal.com]

Oh no, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I don't really have any practical advice as to what you should tell H, but wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and that if you want to write, I'm reading. xx

[merigirl.livejournal.com]

thank you for reading.. it helps to know I have friends.. even 'imaginary friends' that live in my computer. :o)

[simithedemon.livejournal.com]

:( I'm really sorry. Hugs to all three of you, wish there was something I could say that would help even a little.

[merigirl.livejournal.com]

thank you anyway for reading my blubbering.. I just needed to vent my emotions as I dont want to shate it with the world on my blog or twitter or FB .. too many people on there.

[merigirl.livejournal.com]

she is still hanging in there but it wont be long I dont think... she was more with it yesterday then the previous day where she didnt know where she was.. we dont want to take Harrison to see her because it would upset him to see her as skeletal and faded as she is now... its best he remeber how she was earlier in the week where she talked to him and made sure he was sent away with some moeny in his pocket for some sweets.

Matt has gone out on a wedding today though he will be finished in the early afternoon...I haven't head anything yet today.. I'm sort of afraid to call because i don't want to upset things any more... Harrison will be home soon from his sleep over and I will call my MIL to see what the news is and if we need to get any shopping as Matt says if we go into Derby on the bus he will collect us after the wedding...then if there is anything we have bought then he will take it round later...

Harrison understands death, he rembers a few of my parents dogs that have passed away this last year or two.. (they take in strays and abused animals and give them a good life.. mostly small dogs they have 10 now, 1 blueheeler cross, a weener dog, a skipperkie (looks like a black pomeranian and was on the kill list for Washington as they are a kill state), all the rest ar pugs and pug mixs that have been taken from shelters and rescued really...

I'm waffling sorry... but he knows about death but I dont want to have him haunted by seeing a shell of a person that isn't his greatgrandmother any more...

it help blubbering on here...