so i'm going to cry for a bit

[merideath]

Matt's granmother is dying.. she has a few hours left maybe... I just got a call from Grenville (family friend) saying Pam (MIL) is there and crying... I'm at home with Harrison.. I don't know hot you tell a 6 year old thier great grandma is dying... she is very frail and I can't take him there for fear that it would upset him more to see her as she is.....Matt has a wedding today and I'm crying because its what I do.. Matt has to get on with things and work... we knew she wasn't going to last long because when she came home from the hospital two weeks ago we were told she wasnt doing so well.. the diabetes had caused her legs to be gangrenous and her body stopped fighting the tumor on her pancreas that she has had for an unknow amount of time..

She is more of a grandmother to me than my own blood relatives... both my parents were black sheep so I was by default... my dad's mum is still alive but she is an bitter evil battleaxe that hates my dad and by hating him she hates me too... the rest of my grandparents are gone.. I cant remeber them really except for being told off by my mother's mum. Betty welcomed me into the family with open arms and has always treated me lovingly and kindly...it didnt hurt that Matt has always been the favourite grankid.

I'm probably rambling here because I'm crying and I don't know what to tell H... I'm not putting this on FB or twitter as I don't want everyone to know you know? ... i just hoped by sharing it here that i could get a few tears out and try to go on with the day and taking care of H.

Comments

[blottedcopybook.livejournal.com]

Awww Apryl I'm so sorry my love :( xx

[merigirl.livejournal.com]

thanks Vonnie... i feel so lost because there is nothing I can do. and my closest friends are all working today...or too far away... joys of having lovely friends on the interwebs .. I needed to sob somewhere where only a few know.. as its just you and Amanda and a few others that know I'm here...

so much for this being a silly journal for terrible fanfics i never fucking write.

i hate crying and feeling useless/helpless